Urgency Please

This week has been one of great upheaval as I enter into this my third year of university and I was unfortunately driven to drink. Great shame on me though I will take pride in noting that I learnt from this early fault and later turned down several requests to drink even when I was offered them freely. As for reading I did not finish huckleberry finn as I spent a lot of time reading guides as to where I was supposed to go. I also doubt I will finish this particular book soon as in taking up a first year English course I find a list of books that take a clear priority above those I would like to read for leisure. Going beyond this writers block has been fierce but my first short story is almost done and will be posted on nom nom words tonight. I have also set my heart on two designs with which to enter for chance to be shown in the local gallery, one of a comic style surrounding the incredible squid-bear and one of a black and white rough sketch of many eyes. My Spanish has been going well however I have been receiving mixed advice which has left me a little confused. Hopefully I will begin making more clear progress in that area though. As for my endeavours or a musical variety I have quite honestly stalled.

On that note it is time to look to the challenges ahead! I must gain a guitar otherwise I can make little progress in the area of music. As for Spanish I have found that the simple translation of text is harder than expected but I have obtained a cd course that I will be powering through as well as sending emails and letters to pen pals. I have my books for my English course to read however if there is chance of slipping in another book I will and I will also be writing another short. Mainly I have simply to keep persevering with the actions that I have been taking, though I am also noticing that I need a greater sense of urgency with all things, so expect more numerous posts though they may only be brief.

Vincent   

A Month! And A Day!

In case you, my numerous and avid readers, hadn’t noticed already yesterday was one month since I began this endeavour on my 22^nd birthday. From here on there is one year, one day less. How do I feel about this so far? Well in truth I feel positive and negative. If I am honest it has been a busy month and I have still managed to make a number on some aspects of my life and have been able to see some of the practical difficulties of this great attempt. I think there is still more I could have done especially over the last two weeks where I have been off the ball. I think one thing that I have come to realise over the last two weeks and even today that the hardest thing about this is the thing I want to improve the most. My motivation. I have also discovered that some tasks I have been naïve about, for example reading two books at once. Another thing I have noticed about how I have been tackling this is that I have heavily looked at improving myself intellectually through activities and increasing my general activities. Despite my initial plan I have done as much work on my physical or mental-emotional state. So moving into the following year I realise in several areas such as my learning of guitar and Spanish I need to up my game, however in the department of reading and some craft areas like knitting I think that I can calm down. Do I have any exact and more refined goals? Well from two books a week I shall be scaling down to a guarantee of just one book a week unless it is a particularly heavy book in which case I will state before I start. I will be buying a book on Spanish to increase my ability there and will hopefully be purchasing a guitar. I also now have the first part of my student loan in so I can begin to better control my finances following the plan of putting £100 into savings and taking out £100 to spend after each pay, leaving any left within my account to help cover any bills etc. I shall also look to follow tasks that will help engage the aspects of my person beyond my intellect that I want to challenge.

Looking more closely at the week been and the week to come what can I say? I have completed all but one of the tasks which was to translate a piece into Spanish. I feel I have done well to an extent though I will not lie and admit the last too weeks have been full of the laziness I detest. As for next week I expect only to finish one book, I am knitting a scarf though I know that won’t be finished. I do plan on acquiring an acoustic guitar as well as a study book for Spanish, I hope to have finalised my decision on what to do as entry to the gallery exhibition. On top of that I shall post my first short story with aim to have all done and one chosen as a base for my full book by Christmas.

As for my task of deciding upon the circumstances in which I can drink I have drawn up my list. I shall allow myself to drink at event where I am performing, I shall allow myself to specifically drink WITH a meal of particular significance and I shall have 6 events over the next year where I shall allow myself alcohol. However I imagine from what I have heard of the walk I intend to take across Spain that drink will be difficult to avoid, I therefore may allow myself drink on that trek of tradition. The first occasion where I will allow myself the joy of consumption will be on the 16^th of October which shall be the date of my day of honesty. Yes I shall spend the entirety of the 16^th of October telling only the truth and shall openly answer all questions no matter how awkward, the only exception being I shall not answer questions about other people only my personal interactions. I shall spend the day in my usual routine but shall settle myself in a pub for the evening, either the Illicit Still or Somewhere with reasonable and comfortable seating, perhaps Triple Kirks.

Day 33: A New Challenge

It has come to my attention that a local art gallery is going to be putting on a show over December and there is a chance that I could enter a piece or two to be included. So I have until the 5th of November to create some awesome art. Challenge accepted.

Third Tuesday, I forget what number day

I have had a week of responsibilities and distractions, of work and little play. What does this amount to? Me having got very little done. I could expand on what I have been doing but for the most it has been work and organisation. I appologise to you and also to myself for not being able to dedicate more time to this task and it genuinley upsets me that I havn't been able to apply myself more. All it means that I shall have to simply drag last weeks tasks to today and make more progress this week, luckily this week I have far fewer hours as I begin to cut down in preperation for university.

Vincent

Just a Little Thing

Something I have just done, that I've not done before and really means something to me is something very small. I e-mailed a comment to a news paper. To many this main seem small and insignificant, but to me it means I have made the efoort and that I have been confident enough to put my opinion out there despite the unlikeliness of anyone caring.

On another note, as I mentioned, in an attempt to improve my typing skills I am typing up all my posts free from automatic spell check and with as little looking as possible. I will admit that my spelling and grammar have never been great so if you are making a comment on my posts please do note any major mistakes or improvements I could make. A small yet important thing.

Vincent

Big Tuesday 2: First Reckoning

Today I look back at those challenges that I set myself last week and I can safely say that I have completed them. I have been practicing my Spanish greetings and basics, my knowledge of notation as increased greatly. I read two books and several short stroies, I will admit though I did not watch as many films as I would have liked though I still have a number I need to review so it is no great loss. I have been keeping up to date with the news and have been getting up at 8 on most days. I have also looked to planning a day/night where I might give evidence to this push for honesty by putting myself in a position to be openly questioned by anyone, though I have yet to find a perfect date. Overall however I feel this week I could have done much more. So what of the week a head?

I am still limited by money and tools however I have a number of tasks I will fulfill. By next tuesday I will have a list of those events where I shall allow myself to drink. I will update more in general and more importantly make more hand written notes to make updating easier. I will have my day/night of honesty fully organised, and continue looking at events to plan over the next year. Continueing with the progress I have made I will post my introduction in Spanish and further test my music reading. I have my knitting to finish, and again two more books, hopefully one being the last in the Gormenghast trilogy. I also feel a desire to do more and more, it seems that with the acheivments I make my desire merely increases. Till tomorrow.

Vincent

Day 17: A Day of Appologies

I realise I haven't updated anything, I have been troubled by my lack of access to the internet. However the big Tuesday update will be going ahead with succes I promise. Another issue I encountered is that despite my call to control myself and alcohol I ended up and before I realised I was drinking. I have no excuse nor want one, I made an honest mistake, this incident has brought into focus my greater need for self contorl. Therefore on the drinking front I will be going through my calender and selecting dates and event where I will allow myself a tipple, and outside of those events no alcohol shall touch my lips unless it is in a tasty sauce.

vincent

The First Big Tuesday: Day 12

Today is the first of my weekly big updates in which I lay plans ahead for the coming week and consider what is to be done. I am aware I haven't posted for the last to days however with the things that I am doing such as reading, knitting, socialising, reading, working and knitting it has been difficult to find time to get to a computer with internet access. But I have been working and thinking hard, so not all bad. And now we come to that point where I challenge myself across the week, and I will be pulling double time knowing that this will be the last full week before university begins anew. Whilst we have university on the mind though it isn't till the 17th I will say now that during freshers week I shall drink no alcohol.

OK! so what challenges have I set myself? Firstly two of my challenges arise due to lack of certain supplies. In my efforts to start towards playing guitar even though I do not yet have one it seems logical that I may well be able to study music, therefore I will be printing out sheets of music as well as basic information on notes and studying patterns familarising myself with all the different symbols. I intend to be able to go though a full peice of music by the end of this and fully decifer all those dots with the sticks in their backs. As for spanish though I would like to claim to be able to learn it from a dictionary I cannot, there is sentance structure and grammatical rules to consider. However I do have a phrase book and where better to start learning than with greetings and common conversation, I hope by the end of this week to be able to write up a small greeting peice possible with description about myself. Moving on from these things I will of course be updating all my other Blogs today and subsequently next week with the possibility of updates between. I shall be aiming to see three films at the cinema and also have a couple I aquired that I desire to watch. I am halfway through one book at this precise moment and intend to finish it and another before next Tuesday. On top of these due to a gift from lovely people I have a subscription to a concise newspaper and intend to read it cover to cover everyday. Slowly the tasks build. Finally though is merely forethought and planning, with my involvement with societies as well as other social ties I have a lot of planning to do. I hope by the next Tuesday to have one event planned to occur before the end of september that will be seperate from other groups and purely organised by my self.

So I have a lot to do and little time in which to do it but I start this week with rousing confidence to stride ever further, forever reaching in this endeavour to be me.

Vincent

Day Nine... I Think

First of all this is technically being posted on day ten so I appologise however I was again working. Now to move on today had me reading further and setting up my Dreamcast in my flat, something i will have to be careful with to merely enjoy from time to time and not to have devour my time. As I mentioned I also had work which was uneventful. What I have done today is looked at way that I can make myself more productive. I have decided that to increase organisation as well as productivity whsat I really need is to be able to have short term goals. Yes I want to have long term goals, and bigger things, but these things need steps towards them. What I have decided on is structuring around a weekly basis, not very innovative I know but something to work with. Therefore though I will continue to do my upmost to update this everyday I will have a weekly bigger update and I will only guarantee one update a week for my other blogs (though there is chance I will update them more often). The day that I shall do all this shall be TUESDAY!!! At least for now, if when university begins again I find myself heavily worked on a Tuesday I may choose to change that. I will also be making several other changes, though many have little loop holes and clauses. I will be giving up drinking on general social occasions, however I will be accepting special occasions and allowing my self to drink. I will be taking up little exercise regimes until I have decided whether to pursue a gym membership. I will be planning my days with a more precise and structured nature whilst accepting the possibility of change in areas. The majority of these things will come into effect immediately, though the greatest effect will be seen this Tesday when I outline my up and coming challenges and goals as well as highlihgting progress and other larger goals.

Vincent

Two in One: End of the First Week

So having a look back upon my first week I have to say I am disappointed, I feel that I have the motivation but not the enthusiasm. I have been lame in my openning persual of being someone I am proud to be. This is easily changed however, I can at least see that I haven't done enough and that I am not making the most of this opportunity to become more. What is worse is that at the moment I have more time than I will when I return to my studies but I am not using it to it's full potential. It is true that I am lacking in money but that shouldn't be enough to stop my progress. I have to start progressing more in earnest, and so I have decided that I need to take further control of my life. Howevere there are difficulties in this as I also want to enjoy my time, this is not some unrelenting punishment for previous weakness. Tomorrow I will have written up all the things that I must do and a better structure for the activities I look to do. I will also look further ahead and begin planning meetings, parties and other events so I have more tangible goals.

As for yesterday and today there is little to say, last night I had my party which though fun was disappointing in the number of guests. I also read some of the chronicles of Conan and began reading Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep. Today I woke up late due to being drunk last night and having stumbled to my bed at 4 in the morning, I have work later and before and after I will be watching movies which will have reviews written. I also intend to make further progress with my monkey.

I promise tomorrow I will stop insulting those who bother to read this and have answers as well as greater enthusiam. My many appologies.

Vincent

Yesterdays Update

I appologise for the lateness of this update however after my 11 hour bus journey I was fairly tired, add on to this the lack of internet access at my flat and you get no update. I am pleased to announce that I managed to finish Gormengast and have decided that before I procede with Titus Alone, the finale instalment of the trilogy, I will take time to read a couple of other books first.

Today I aim to finish moving my stuff from one flat to another and later I am hosting a belateted birthday party at a local venue though I have doubts to how many will turn up. Having only recently returned to the city I am getting my bearings though i may do a spot of shopping.

Vincent

High Five

Today I went on adventure to London on the last day of my visit back home and in spirit of my endeavour we did a lot. Though there was disappointment as there was no where for me to do any writing on the train it was a good day. I have calculated we did at least 6 hours of solid walking and walking is something i love and feel not enough people really experience. Also when you walk you discover things, and thats how the trip in London went. Due to map confusion we ended up starting in the wrong direction and discovered that the British library were running a science fiction exhibition and it was amazing. I reallyu got some good ideas and now have yet more books I want to read. From there we continued our trek and made our way in an odd path to Leicester Square. There we visited the disappointing M&Ms world. We didn't stay long before going off through Picadilly Circus, then to Covent Gardens then back to Picadilly and away to Hyde Park. in Hyde Park we enjoyed a picnic and the pleasures of a beautiful park in the chaos of the city. As far as I am concerened it was a great day and as far as my endeavour I really learnt what mattered was the outing with family as I felt the need to buy very little unlike previous London visits.

Tomorrow I make my way back to Aberdeen and on the 11 or so hour bus ride I hope to do some writing and finally finish Gormengast, which is my challenge at the moment.

Vincent

Day The Fourth

Today was an extremely productive day to balance yesterday, I wrote, knitted, went out, came back, made key decisions and entertained a guest, hence the lateness of this entry. Now as I mentioned yesterday I would make decisions regarding the outlook of this endeavour. I have made several of these decisions, some I cannot make at this moment due to lack of information and some I intend to wait to see what influence time might bring. Another major point is that the rules have become more challenges or guide lines than rules, this is mainly in my acceptance in that I am only human, and not a particularly good one at that. So let us lay down some groun rules:
1) Honesty; something I admit i am not great at but from here on in I will truely make effort like never before to be honest and open and to lie less. This does not mean I will admit to anything and everything, I reserve the right to omit information and hope the you will accept that I may not always be honest especially if honesty might damage others.
2) Forgiving; this is a guide line I know I will find difficult, I can be a very bitter person. But if I am giving myself a second chance do others not deserve the same? I cannot simply blanket forgive everyone, though there are those tresspasses for which it is appropriate there are others more personal that i will do in person.
3) Accepting; I must continue to accept that people are people and try to accept them as they are. Pretty simple.

So they're the guide lines for now though I am sure in my infinite wisdon I will add more as the year and a month continues and I discover where I must have greater control. But what am I moving towards? I have come up with a number of goals however like the guide lines I know I will add to these as challenges arise. So far I have:
1) Learn a foreign language; to be at least bi-lingual is something I have wanted for a while but have never acheived through my own fault. I have chosen Spanish to learn for two main reasons, firstly because it is a language I enjoy listening to and secondly because I intend to walk across part of Spain towards the end of the year, though I will discuss this in more detail at a later date.
2) To learn to play a musical instrument; this one is pretty simple and somethingi have tried and failed repeatedly mainly through simple lack of motivation. I have chosen guitar, mainly due to it being an instrument I like though it has advantage over other instruments as they can be cheap and aren't half as heavy as some. I should specify I will start at least with an acoustic.
3) To write and attempt to publish a book; if I was to lay claim to any one passion it would be writing, as my many blogs are testament to, however self doubt and poor motivation have lead me to not finish, to give up. I know I have the ideas and passion, so I will do it. Over the next month I will on Nom Nom Words test some ideas and choose one to run with.

So I have goals, at organisation I stumble, it is difficult to organise not knowing my timetable and working a shift based job. So I am afraid I can only make three rough outlines.
1) Time organisation: the only garuntee i can make to time is my general sleep patern, but even then only for 5 days of the week. Sunday evening through to Friday morning I will be aiming to be asleep by 1, getting 7 hours sleep, and waking at 8. This pattern ensures I maximise my day whilst still getting a healthy amount of sleep, unfortunately I cannot say what time I will grace my bed on a Friday or Saturday night due to later working times.
2) Monetary organisation: I cannot say exactly how much I will get paid fortnightly as I have no way of knowing how many hours I will be working week to week. However working from reasonable estimates I hope to be able to put £100 into my savings account and have £100 to last me over the next two weeks for food and the things i want with any extra staying in my account to bolster my rent and bill funds and help me move out of my overdraft.
3) Health organisation: Another tricky one to consider with out knowing my time constraints, but I will be relagating sweets to what ever day I most time off to aid in my relaxation. I will be going to the gym at least twice a week, I do have a membership, I may as well use it. I will also look to plan my meals aswell, in an attempt to improve my eating and my cooking plus this should help with money organiation.

So there we have the initial fruits of my labour and a view to continue from. I plan to put up more short term goals both related and unrelated. As I said; a good day today. Tomorrow I journey to London on an adventure.

Day Three

Today I spent the majority of my day contemplating and considering, which translates as not much. I had a bit of a lazy day. I wandered into town to meet friends and did some house work. Nothing of great importance. I feel guilty for it mainly because I know I could have done more. Today re highlights one of the main reasons I am making this endeavour, to not waste my life. There were aspects of today that were definitely not wasted despite what some might think, such as watching some anime, however it is the unplanned laziness that upsets me. And it really does upset me. At times my lack of motivation or inability to do things has lead to bouts of depression which have affected me quite seriously. So today i must make a move on some of these aspects, to find a way to tackle simple distractions and lack of motivation. I intend to do this through rules, goals and organisation. I doubt I shall construct them all tomorrow but that is the task I set myself. As for tonight I appologise for my momentary stumble.

The Day That Came Next

So today being the seond day of this attempt I began by getting up ealrier so as to make the most of my day. I then proceeded to arrange some of my finanaces. not all that good but well enough. Then as part of a birthday gift from my parents I went to see Conan The Barbarian, which I have written a review of and will post as soon as I have typed it up. I have done some further knitting and spent some time discussing the coming year with my family.

One thing that I have been considering today is that one of my many faults is disorganisation. I have great need to improve on this however there is a problem. I cannot organise myself in unstable situations, with out being at university or having financial stability it is hard to make on going plans. I will endeavour though to come up with some plans as to assist my efforts. Another aspect of planning that is important is to set goals for myself, I cannot simpley move towards some unknown destination. So I have tasked myself with making some decisions that i will elaborate upon over the next few posts. It has become clear that I must focus myself, diverging from this I must also accept some aspect of spontaneity as well as allowing myself pleasure. there is little point to living if you do not enjoy life.

Vincent

So It Begins

So today was the first day of my Endeavour To Be Me. My one year and one month quest to become more of the person I want to be, to achieve more and to be a generally better person, whatever that means. Today was also my 22nd birthday, so I hope I will be forgiven when I admit I did nothing spectacular. It is important to remember that this is about the long haul, though by the end I do expect to have had some significant changes they will take time and in some cases the most significant changes appear the smallest.

So what did I do today you ask, I got up earlier than my usual 11 or 12 and went to spend time with my parents opening presents. I got a new book to go with the many books that I have to read, I am going to start giving myself deadlines to read books so that I do spend more time reading than staring listly into space. I also got a variety of items include a knit your own cuddly monkey and ninjabread men bisuit cutters. With these at hand I cooked up a batch and began knitting. The tasks might not seem like much but I am not overly experience in baking or craft work, and surely gaining these skills is arguably an improvement. Though I must be honest; I have yet to finish the monkey though I have got far and the buscuits are far from perfect.

Tomorrow I am going to the cinema with my family to see Conan and I promise to have a review on my Critical Considerations blog. I also plan to update all my blogs as part of my attempt to use the time I spend on the internet more efficiently. Another little note, you may notice that my English is not perfect, I am typing these blog entries directly to the upload section so as to avoid spell checking, this will force me to try and monitor my work rather than relying on the little ABC button.

Vincent